I know many people are envious of Cynics and Pessimists (as in the old Freudian equivalent of “penis envy”) and wish that, for even just a moment they could bask in such negativity. One reason being Cs and Ps are never really disappointed in life because they already know life–human relationships, societal idealism, e.g.– is doomed from the very first moments. True Cs and Ps expect bad and often grotesque results from initial positive affirmations. It’s the way of history. How can you spot a true C and P? Simple, we carry a special official decoder ring. If you’re an idealist or a politician, for example, and you get too close the ring will glow red and violently flash.