Cynic’s family Christmas

Posted: December 23, 2010 in Current events

What to do?…Uncle B (short for Boon) offers the cynic a Christmas libation, but there is much to muse about before accepting. Is the cup clean? How do I know Uncle B hadn’t first taken a swig directly from the bottle, which he’s been known to do? In that case there may well be many molecules of backwash in the cup, diluted as it might be–but still, the thought nauseates the cynic; Boon’s teeth are dark green and look like eyeless insects; and how does the cynic know he hadn’t urinated or spit in it at some time in the recent past, as he’s been known to do. But of course the cynic must accept the cup (Unlce B carries a hunting knife in his belt). So now the problem becomes not whether to accept the cup or not but what to do once the cup is accepted. The cynic will do what the cynic must do: He will clandestinely pour the contents on the floor under the table and blame it on grandmother’s bladder problem. (Oh, please do not worry about grandmother. She carries a long titanium darning needle under her bonnet. Uncle B will be lucky if he gets his knife even halfway out of his pants before his agonizing demise.)


Note: From bottom center L to R: Cynic Boon (yours truly), Little sister Sheba Boon, Father Boon, Virgin Mary Boon, Uncle Ignatius Boon, and the village whore (and only worker), Jezebel Boon. Source: the Boon Family chronicles

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