In praise of Americaca

Posted: August 9, 2010 in Current events, Humor

Ode to Americaca…

In praise of our American rain and soil: The rain that washes our land is better than all the rain of all the countries; it is infused with gold dust and the disolved trace elements from magic unicorns, blessed by God the Almighty in the days of our forebears, Our holy rain nourishes our pure perfect soil. Our soil is rich beyond measure, yeilding earthworms the size of buffalloes, roaming deep underground in moist crawling herds.  One acre of our cropland can feed all of China at a single brunch.

In praise of our magnificent American women:  Each American woman is like a night star, shining, brightening the dark in shimmering pools, So beautiful is she that she blinds the eyes of foreigners at a single glance. Her womb, so bountiful, produces whole battaliions at a single push. She has the roundest most perfect knees; her breasts give the milk of a hunderd cows at one suckle. Her eyes brim with nutrients; her tears can cure the blind and bedridden. Her hair is so strong and long, it can pull whole wagons of stone.

In praise of American men: American men can shoot better, more accurately than any other earthbound soul: An American man will be able from birth to death to shoot an apple off an enemy’s head at twelve hundred feet blindfolded without even using a weapon, merely by imagining it. An American man can see farther, run faster, piss straighter than a dozen of any other nation’s men.

In praise of our American captured space aliens: Yes, even our captured space aliens near the enviorns of area 51 have better teeth and eyesight and bigger feet than any other countrys captured aliens. They have come from the farthest distances in space, in the biggest ships. Our captured space aliens are the best and the brightest the universe has to offer.


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