Commander Zog speaks…

Posted: August 6, 2010 in Current events, Religion

MEMO from the elusive Commander Zog for immediate release…For the record, for whatever that’s worth, I’d like to say I oppose religious freedom: all religions, their paradises, heavens, and hells and Hades and Pyramids and Nirvanas, their Messaihs and 12th Imams, their churches and cathedrals, synogogues, and mosques and schools, domes and steeples and sacred burial grounds, their Ramadans and Easters, and Christmases, their old and New Testaments with their Leviticuses and Deuteronomies, their Torahs, Korans, Books of the Dead, Vedas, Upanishads, their Left Behind series, their in the beginnings, their malleus maleficarums, and hadiths, their recorded preachings and fatwas, their genies, holy ghosts, and spirits, their confessions, holy writs and sharias, their sacred cows, their talismans, spells, incantations, sorcery, their meetings and pronouncements and TV shows and Ten Commandments,  their lords and cannibals, their shamans and charmins and witch doctors,their tax exempt status, their proselytizing, their bells and horns and drums, their prayers, bulls, and edicts, their crosses and crescents, their peculiar religious garments and silly hats and burkas and veils, their priests and prophets and preachers and ayatollahs, their Buddhas, their Jesuits and Shites, their poison Kool Aid drinking, wafer ingesting, their halals and Koshers, and Last Suppers and Last Lunches and Brunches and wines out of water, their afterlifes and underworlds and reincarnations and Lazarus risings, their holy waters and baptisms, and exorcisms, their Wandering Jews and Second Commings, their verilies and begots and end of times, their saints and sinners, their Vatican Cities and Medinas, and Oracles at Delphi, their martyrs, their jihads, and their flying horses and Noah’s arks, their Jonahs in the whales, their Mars and Venuses and Jupiters, their incubi and succubi, their 666s, their Rosemary’s babies, their jinns and devils and angels and burning bushes, their RAs, Zeuses, and Yahwehs, their armored Pope mobiles, their Spanish Inquisitions, their altar boy rapings and Imam pimping and their Virgin Marys and those 72 virgins and their Josephs and Marys and Adams and Eves and Jehova’s Witnesses, their stonings and hangings and beheadings and whippings, their anti-sexualism, their thrones, crosses, and symbols, their insidious literature, their suicide bombings, and sacrifices and above all their creepy bumper stickers…They should be banned. Now. Pronto. ASAP. Please. And  please, unworthy peasants, know this: WHEN I, COMMANDER ZOG THE ATHEIST, BECOME RULER OF THE GALAXY THESE PEOPLE WILL CEASE TO BE A PROBLEM.


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