The Omnipotent One…

Posted: December 15, 2009 in Religion

What, God who made the universe and dark matter and the moon and donkeys and chimps and Paris Hilton and created light (“and saw that it was good”) but He’s afraid to step in shit?

Deuteronomy 23:12-14:

12 Thou shalt have a place also without the camp, whither thou shalt go forth abroad:

13 and thou shalt have a paddle among thy weapons; and it shall be, when thou sittest down abroad, thou shalt dig therewith, and shalt turn back and cover that which cometh from thee:

14 for Jehovah thy God walketh in the midst of thy camp, to deliver thee, and to give up thine enemies before thee; therefore shall thy camp be holy, that he may not see an unclean thing in thee, and turn away from thee.

(Bible in Today’s English): “You have to have a place outside the camp where you can go when you need to relieve yourselves. Carry a stick as part of your equipment, so that you can dig a hole and cover it up…For the Lord thy God walketh in the midst of thy camp…”

You know what, on second thought I shouldn’t be so sarcastic. I have the same complaint when I walk out in the yard after I haven’t cleaned up the dog crap for a few days.

Oh, speaking of shit, did you know God became so mad at Israel for their wicked ways He ordered them to eat human shit? Yeah. Ezekiel 4:12-13 “…thou shall eat it as barley cakes, and thou shall bake it with dung that cometh out of a man [ewwwwwwww…]…” Holy shit, that’s gross.


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