Don’t taze me bro: New koppers’ fun weapon

Crowd pleaser?

Now kops can have the fun of “shotgunning” someone but without the mess.  Can you imagine your local idiot police force having one of these?

Sir, step out of the car. You are being charged with low transmission fluid level.  BAM

Another complaint

Complaint Living in a low crime town. That’s a complaint? Yeah. It is. Just look at the police log here: Cops respond to missing toilet paper in park rest room. Police investigate grafitti on napkin dispenser at rest area. Police seek man who left diner without paying bill  (these are from the actual police log). The list goes on and on. In itself of course living in a low crime town is a good thing. In itself. But over time the cops get antsy. They have new issue 9mm guns in cool black nylon holsters, they have squad cars with the latest computers and iPod type screens covering the entire dashboard. They have electronic equipment so new it still has the price  bar code on it. They are fully federal siren compliant. They wear combat boots. Their uniforms look like Special Forces duds. Their ears jut out with communication antennae. They have a high-speed internet connection in their belt buckles. They  are READY. That’s the big problem. These guys and girls have itchy fingers. Look at them sitting in their cars. They’re developing nervous tics, like pulling at their hair, biting their nails, twitching their eyes, pulling on earlobes. Listen, these hounds want to run. They watch all the big cop show shoot-outs on TV, the big fast adrenalin chases. They’re sniffing for fox. So the problem is this: turn without using your singal light and I swear to god almighty that a SWAT team and six-man K-9 unit will pull up out of the clear blue sky , surround your vehicle like you’re the new Clyde Barrow, and drag you the hell out onto the burning asphalt. Your signal light will be pulled out by the roots for evidence. Strobe lights will make the daylight look like a night time Fourth. Sirens will  blare on so many different levels it’ll sound like NORAD during a Russian nuke attack.  You’ll be tasered, cuffed and tasered again just for the thrill of it. Your neck will be stomped. The barrels of M-16s will be jammed up your auditory canals (and maybe one up your anal canal just for laughs). And about a dozen cops, including a couple of nasty German bow-wows, will piss on you just to show you are one owned piece of shit criminal.

Sir, step out of that vehicle now. Your left signal light has been found to be dysfunctional. We will not tell you again.