Charlie has numerous medals and ribbons on his bare buttocks too (officially known as the Royal Asshole Medallions), but humility precludes showing them to the flea-bitten public, and besides, it’s well known in castle circles that Prince Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh (aka, Royal Guard of the Queen’s Hemorrhoids, Most Esteemed Wiper of the Queens Dirty Rear, etc.) gets horny when Charlie shows off his Royal Arse.
PRESENTING.… The Grand Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire, Lord Snozzola of Britannia, Emperor Prince of Londonistan, Grand Marshal of Kubal, Ruler of the Pacific Ocean, Grand Imam of Tasmania, All-Powerful Ruler of Narnia, King of the Seven Seas, God-King of Antarctica, High Lord of the Penguins, Most Esteemed Vampire-King of Transylvania, Glorious Ruler of the Netherworld, Most Powerful Lord of All Things, Regal Lord Emperor of the Turkeys, All-Glorious Wearer of the Royal Underwear, Great Grand Mufti of Raisin Bran……
This medal-dazzling British ruler also has other, though lesser known, titles, some of which are…Grand Viper of the Royal Toilet Paper, Lord Incubator of the Queen’s Muff, Lord Almighty of the Caged Chimps, Lord Sash of the Funny Red Suits, Mystic Ruler of African Lions, Grand and Supreme Lord and Ruler of the Edible Soverign Panties, Lord Purveyor and Prince of Jupiter…
Update 1: Amazing what a little royal digging will uncover. It turns out Charlie holds still more titles, though some are admittedly even more obscure than those above: Grand Protector of the Royal Cat Liter Box, Glorious Affixer of the Queen’s Garters, Most High Grand Licker of the Order of Royal Feet and Arses, Supreme Nabob of the Kingly Petty Cash Box, Extreme Most High Taster of the Maids-in-Waiting Breastmilk, Glorious Esteemed Emperor of the Castle Toilet, Most Supreme Lord Holder of the Knight’s Testicles.
Update 2: Incredibly, with just a little more digging. I’ve uncovered these other titles of this great King in waiting…To wit–Most Grand Porker of the Royal Butlers, Grand Princely Guard of the Prodigious Penile Implants, Wizard Extraordinaire of the Queen’s Hiney, Exquisite Supreme Ruler of Mad Cow Disease, All-Powerful Prince of Bestial Foreplay and last but not least, Immense Grand Mufti and Supreme Taster of the Royal Flavored Condoms.
Update 3: I know, it’s like Ripley’s Believe It or Not, but who knew (folks, I do not make this stuff up)…So here’s a few more…Most Proud and Humble Servant of the Royal Testicles, Royal Comptroller of the Servant Girls’ Buttocks, Lord and Almighty Master of the Rubber Bathtub Ducky, Grand and Most Noble Inquisitor of the Lordly used Condoms, Most Esteemed Royal Shaker of the Royal Urinaters, Grand High Most Noble Dog Shit Eater…
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Related: read about other icons of royalty, Princess Di and Madonna of Scotland.
