“The man who co-wrote the best-selling adventure travel guide 100 Things To Do Before You Die has died at the age of 47. Dave Freeman had visited half the places mentioned in his book whose recommendations included a voodoo pilgrimage to Haiti and running with bulls in Pamplona, Spain. He died after falling over at his home in Venice, California, and hitting his head.” Continue reading article at Mail-Online
It was certainly surprising that he died this way, falling at his own home, considering that he had put himself in so many dangerous situations, like running with the bulls for instance. Terrible story, but keep in mind that Irony can attack at any time. It sits there, out of sight, out of mind, searching for just the right ironic circumstance to strike. I’m talking about the evil side of irony, the one that sits on its haunches, drooling for a foolish knave–then unleashing it’s surprise! It’s like if you’ve been lovingly, gently taking care of stray dogs all your life and then, just like a ligntning bolt from up high, you’re struck and suddenly mauled to death by one of your dogs. That’s irony. That’s pure evil irony. Is there any defense? Absolutely. I mean it’s not a sure thing of course but here’s what you can do. Take the dog example above. Never spend your life loving and caring for stray dogs, or any dog or pet. It’s an invitation to you know what. Don’t wait for the ironic headline: Pet Dogs Eat Brain of Loving Master. Here’s another example of an ironic attack: say you’re about to make what you’re anticipating to to be your 500th perfect parachute jump. Do not pre celebrate it. I repeat, do not precelerate it or make a big deal of it or talk about it or even mention that it’s your 500th. Because if you do then on that 500th jump your parachute will fail. Here’s the ironic headline that will accompnay it: Parachutist, Celebrating His 500th Perfect Jump, Dies When Chute Fails to Open. This is how it happens. You see how it works? Call it your 499th jump if you have to give it a damn number. Because otherwise irony will hurtle down on you just as sure as if you didn’t even bother strapping on your chute when you jumped out the airplane door (in fact that would even be more ironic). Look, It’s the way of this cruel invisible beast. And like any beast, you never taunt or tease it. Always avoid ironic situations. Your life could depend on it.
Addendum: A few more ironic newspaper headlines. Remember, this could be you:
Wife Finds Husband Cheating on Their 50th Wedding Anniversary and Shoots Him
Taxidermist Stuffs Himself to Death on Thanksgiving
Pig Turns on Butcher; Makes Bacon of Him
Window Washer Washed off Scaffold by Heavy Rain
Wearing Fat Suit, Man Drops Dead from Heart Attack
Vegetarian Chokes to Death on Meaty Carrot
Cowboy Stomped to Death by Boy Cow
Bottle Washer Dies From Gash by Broken Bottle
Egyptologist Dies In Fall From Pyramid
Mortician Murdered in Funeral Home
Suicide Bomber Surrenders, Then Accidentally Steps on Land Mine
