The youth guide to airport security

Here

Banana Republic broadband speed

Most of us by now know that America is the biggest banana republic since, well since the Mayflower landed, but surely you ask, since that great banana republicist himself  Al Gore invented the internet, surely surely our ol’ banana republic (which, for the sheer economy of syllable reduction, I have dubbed Shitland) has at least the fastest internet connection status in the world–I mean we’re not number one in most things anymore but of course we must have at least the fastest internet speed, right booby?–…….but alas, no, we are 18th, somewhere behind Slovakia and Iceland.

Update: good news. I believe we are pulling ahead of the South Pole.

Related: Korea: faster, cheaper broadband.

The girl on the grassy knoll

New President Kennedy assassination film not included in the Warren Commission Report:

Don’t taze me bro: New koppers’ fun weapon

Crowd pleaser?

Now kops can have the fun of “shotgunning” someone but without the mess.  Can you imagine your local idiot police force having one of these?

Sir, step out of the car. You are being charged with low transmission fluid level.  BAM

Alas, Mexico has hit bottom (but it makes for good comedy)

Just in case you’re thick a Youtube commenter expertly explains the donkey part (very well put, I might add): “This plays on differences between men and women about what they are looking for in sexual relations. A man wants pleasure, a woman wants emotional support. So, the punch line of the joke is a “sex worker” who deals with men’s needs all day wants the animal–a fixture in raunchy sex shows because it has a big “member”–to give emotional support. It is cliche that many women just want to be held, but typically not the “sex worker” women. That is … the punch line of the joke.”

China reverts to Red Guard status

“…It is not permitted to hold discussions or investigations on the Google topic. Online programs with experts and scholars on this matter must apply for permission ahead of time. This type of self-initiated program production is strictly forbidden. All websites please clean up text, images and sound and videos which support Google, dedicate flowers to Google, ask Google to stay, cheer for Google and others have a different tune from government policy. Do not participate in and report Google’s information/press releases. Only use Central Government main media (website) content; do not use content from other sources…”  Here.

Comments of infamy…

Hahahahaha…Geeez I love reading stupid comments. It’s my newest hobby.  Here’s some “typical discusssion” talking points of an historical nature, namely the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor:

–Victory???? you need the atomic bomb to stop Japan!!!! you never won that battle!!!! haha Us suckers. You beat Germany because of the U.R.S.S. effort on the east side, and beat Japan because of the atomic bomb. Lost to Vietnam…not even beat Irak. Loosers. Italy, Germany, France, England those are real countryes with a real bloody history.

–@rediscoverySX How about i stick my foot in your ass & send u to one of them countries so they can fuck u in your ass then lets see what u got to say about them.

–first of all if we needed to we would have invaded and killed every single jap that we had seen…they had the invasion planned supplies and troops assembled, the whole nine yards. look up operation downfall and then see how screwed up japan would have been..

–don’t forget, they lost to canada, 200 years ago, too. haha

__@StSimonOfTrent your right it was obvious!!! we were talking about this in my class usa did not continue supporting japan with raw materials then japan literally said “you dont support japan anymore well now we dont like you”"and bomm

Hahahaha

Hahahahaha… Cara: “It’s your choice, Margrave. An eternity of Right and Good….or an eternity of me.”  Of course, in the cascading levels of morality she could be Right and Good.

Good luck!!!

….Er….I think that’s a potato…er…or a watermelon…er

Brit chef Jamie Oliver attempts to educate American bacon rapists.

Here.

Note: You can watch Jamie Oliver’s “Food Revolution,” on Hulu.

Soviet food memoir (from the seventies)

“…Ms. Gorokhova’s book is its own trembling mountain of crumbs. That is, it’s slight — not quite a whole meal — but endearing, a collection of well-sculptured memories about the deprivations and joys of her childhood in Leningrad (now St. Petersburg). It’s a book about many things, notably class, politics, identity and sex, but one that circles around as often as not to the author’s rumbling stomach. It reminds you that the best food writing is frequently about scarcity, not abundance…” Here.

A case of “pernicious normalisation?”

“…Kick-Ass is not alone. Right across the cinematic spectrum we are seeing a pernicious normalisation of the abuse and degradation of children. The burning alive of a child in the opening of the recent Hollywood vampire movie Daybreakers, for instance, or the killing of child zombies in the comedy-horror Zombieland, are once unthinkable moments that have become almost tedious. Everywhere you look in mainstream horror, demon children are being smothered, stabbed, burnt and kicked to death on camera…” Here.

Paraphrasing now, is Nancy Pelosi the most powerful woman since Xena the Warrior princess?

Well, at least, “Most powerful woman in American history?” (quoting Diane Sawyer of ABC news). I’ve never cared for Pelosi but she sure looks hot in that leasther skirt and those boots. And that sword really turns me on …sorry, it’s just that I have a fervid fetish for dominant female Speakers in leather hot pants.

Obama’s health care warrior princess.

Flash: new hope for Mexico’s war on drug cartels

We’ve all read of the horrible drug war being fought in Mexico. The tally of the daily murdred probably exceeds that of Afghanistan. Fortunately Mexican police have a new weapon in their war on these murderous cartels: Chicken blood and tattoos.

“…slaughtering chickens on full moon nights on beaches, smearing police with the blood and using prayers to evoke spirits to guard them as drug cartels battle over smuggling routes into California. Other police in the city of Tijuana, across the border from San Diego, tattoo their bodies with Voodoo symbols, believing they can repel bullets. ‘Sometimes a man needs another type of faith,’ said former Tijuana policeman Marcos, who left the city force a year ago after surviving a drug gang attack. ‘I was saved when they killed two of my mates. I know why I didn’t die.’ ” Here.

(Alas, chicken blood doesn’t always work.)

The great Sean Hannity Scam

“For the last several years, Sean Hannity and the Freedom Alliance “charity” have conducted “Freedom Concerts” across America. They’ve told you that they are raising money to pay for the college tuition of the children of fallen soldiers and to pay severely wounded war vets.  And on Friday Night, Hannity will be honored with an award for this “Outstanding Community Service by a Radio Talk Show Host” at Talkers Magazine’s  convention. But it’s all a huge scam…” Here.

(Note: has anyone noticed that Sean Hannity looks a lot like the cartoon character Fred Flintstone?)

A third grader’s marriage and divorce

I am Nujood, aged 10 and divorced.

The Humpty Dumpty effect

It’s simple, America fell off the wall and probably can’t be put back together again…”This confluence of crises has produced a surge in vehement libertarianism. People are disgusted with Washington. The Tea Party movement rallies against big government, big business and the ruling class in general. Even beyond their ranks, there is a corrosive cynicism about public action…” Here.

Shopping Orwellian…

“The curvy mannequin piqued the interest of a couple of lanky teenage boys. Little did they know that as they groped its tight maroon shirt in the clothing store that day, video cameras were rolling…” In stores, the tend is 1984. Here.

Will a guru’s religious boast rise to the occasion? (Hint: nope)

“When a famous tantric guru boasted on television that he could kill another man using only his mystical powers, most viewers either gasped in awe or merely nodded unquestioningly. Sanal Edamaruku’s response was different. ‘Go on then — kill me,’ he said…’ ” Here.

(Note: Now I’m certainly not claiming to be a religious healer (or killer) with mystical powers or anything, you know with the  powers of say, God’s Healers  Benny Hinn and Pat Robertson or the guru referenced above, but evidently I do have some powers….not long ago I put my hand over my limp penis and lo and behold it rose.)

Back to the future…

Remember reading about the 1960′s Milgram experiment? It’s baaaaaaack…but now it’s a game show.

“With a glamorous hostess, a roaring crowd and an enthusiastic group of contestants, it has all the trappings of a traditional television quiz show. But fake game show Zone Xtreme – which airs in France today – has a very sinister twist. Instead of taking part in innocent contests, participants are ordered to deliver near fatal electric shocks to their rivals. Astonishingly, 81 per cent of people who took part were persuaded to dole out increasing shocks to ‘victims’, despite their howls of pain…” Here.

Facebook venting

” ‘…Mr. Gower replied by calling his fiancée a name that can’t be printed here, until the exchange became the social networking equivalent of shattered china at a dinner party. Eventually, Skyler Hurt, 22, a friend and a bridesmaid, intervened: “Hey, you guys know we can still see this right …?” For most couples, the temptation to publicly slander each other is overpowered by the instinct to prove to their friends how happy they are, reality notwithstanding. But for others, arguing in front of others comes as naturally as slamming doors… ‘ “  Here.

How it works…

“…Lang Lang, the celebrity pianist; Christoph Eschenbach, the conductor; and the Schleswig-Holstein Festival Orchestra are taking the stage at Carnegie Hall on Sunday night in a concert trumpeted as a fund-raiser for the earthquake-ravaged Haiti. But what ticket buyers may not realize is that far more of their dollars will go toward concert-hall rent and marketing than to anyone in Haiti, with the biggest chunks going to stagehands and newspaper advertisements…” Here.

Moore and Ratigan on Wall St

“Frau, komm”

Red Army in Berlin 1945 (May- June): “When the soldiers came to the building, asking for girls, the older women called out: ‘Where’s little Gabi?’ and pulled her out from underneath the table…” Here.

Also on this subject of the horrors of the Red Army there is of course the  diary A Woman in Berlin: Eight Weeks in a Conquered City by Anonymous. There is also a movie version.

Excerpt from the book*: “No sooner was I back upstairs then the concierge’s girl…came running in for the second time. More men in the basement. Now they’re after the baker’s wife…”

“Woman in Berlin” trailer

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*This book was originally published in 1953 in Germany but the country was in no mood for war memoirs, especially of this kind so it fell into obscurity. It was over a half century later that it was republished, this time in its entirety), to international acclaim.

“1 volume encyclopedia…”

From across the digital divide comes–Youtube comment  pleasantries for your humble enjoyment…

“…you’re the fag 4 hiding behind a queer username dozydoodles 2 attack people w/ fighting words like a coward! U lucky I just won $10,000 or I’d hunt u down & shove a 1 volume encyclopedia up yur throat–u r a fuck thing whatever U are male female she/he..fuc off if u know what’s good for U & dont contact me…I wish I could foc yur mom, yur aunt, & your grandma on the beach while you’re tied up-Older babes like your mom & aunt need the sand pounded off their hairy pussies, right, dozydick?…”

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Comment analysis with the intention of indicating possible suggestions of improvement for communication purposes.

“up yur throat” ??? Isn’t that supposed to be down…?

What’s a fuck thing? Isn’t that a blowup doll?

Reduncancy: “male female she/he”…

“don’t contact me” (?) Don’t worry about that.

“tied up-Older babes” You mean tied up cougars?  Then say cougars.

“sand pounded off their hairy…” Evidently this is synonymous with the term “intense copulation on the beach.”

Actor Peter Graves kicks off

Airplane–most laugh aloud movie I’ve ever seen

The truth is out there: American movie cliches

Brilliant synopsis

Who spiked those French baguettes with LSD? (Hint: the CIA)

Now, boys and girls, a history lesson. Please pay rapt attention: “…One man tried to drown himself, screaming that his belly was being eaten by snakes.   An 11-year-old boy tried to strangle his grandmother. A man shouted ‘I am a plane’ before jumping out of a second-floor window and breaking his legs. Another saw his heart escaping through his feet and begged a doctor to put it back…” Here.

The relationship

Incubating the dynamic (works for me)

Zimbabwe: the big burger

Story here

‘It was in the middle of nowhere, but within 15 minutes hundreds of people had arrived from all directions. ‘The women formed a ring around the elephant and the men stood inside, fighting and stabbing each other to get to the meat.’ …The meat was taken back to homes. Some was eaten immediately but most was dried on washing lines and stored to eat later.’There were celebrations in the surrounding villages for the next two nights.’

Remain cynical about government

Though this article link is about the British immigration mess it equally applies to America. Read and know the truth: “…as it turns out, [Britain's immigration policy]  policy was motivated by something far more radical and fundamental than any [concerns about invigorating the home work force]. The full text of the draft policy paper composed in 2000 by a Home Office research unit – the gist of which had already been made public by a former Labour adviser – was released last week under Freedom of Information rules. Properly understood, it is political dynamite. What it states quite unequivocally was that mass immigration was being encouraged at least as much for “social objectives” as for economic ones. Migration was intended specifically to alter the demographic and cultural pattern of the country: to produce by force majeure the changes in attitude that the Labour government saw itself as representing [bold added]. Here and here.

Has America lost its boogie-woogie swing status to Europe? Here’s a hint: yes.

Judging from visual/audio history,  in the nineteen-thrities and forties America was a swinging country all right,  but now the tellin’s in Euro feet. Boogie Woogie and Swing have now become a mostly European cultural phenomenon, with their numerous festivals and comeptitions.  Will the Europeans now start producing better hamburgers and hot dogs?

Here’s some more Euro feet in action : ” Dancin’ the Boogie”.  Superb style (Amerofeet, beg for mercy)

From deep in our apelike past

“…Your apelike ancestors probably aren’t top of mind when you enter the polling booth. But a new study suggests that human evolution may have a big influence on whether you’re liberal or conservative–not to mention how smart you are, whether you believe in God, or whether you’ve got a cheatin’ heart…” Here.

World news flash: Amy Winehouse approaching normal appearance…

By Zeus how was this miracle-in-the-making accomplished? By natural foods? Vitamins? Giving up drugs and alcohol (er, taking the wine out of the house?) and the horrible habit of smoking?…Should cynicism of the pop/blues singer now be ameliorated?  Now if she would only get rid of those grotesque tattoos… Here (see bottom pic).

Past posts on this most important subject:

Puss-oozing freakazoid of the crooner world

Heavy ink syndrome

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Juxtaposed comparison blast from the past: What bad consumption did. Winehouse on the left, though in too short a skirt (in my humble opinion), is ravishing (I feel the beginning jab of an erection); Winehouse on the right is well…should we say goodbye jab?:

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No doubt unable to cope with the Cynic’s unrelenting bashing the singer reforms, hence the improving form below (no, I haven’t received another jab yet):

So, the post in a nutshell:

Old  Amy: Hubba hubba hubba wowsiewozo yuba yuba howsie wowsie hotsie totsie yabba dabba dooooooo wowsie wowsie hubba…

Middle Amy: Yucky poo poo slucky sluck vomit vomit zahhhhh slimo blahhhhhh yuck blahhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

Present Amy: Yawn yawn middling middling yawn passable passable…

Is it better to die by axe or machete?

“…The police quickly arrested about 200 people in connection with the killings, and many of them were crouching anxiously in rows on a bare concrete floor, outside the police headquarters on Wednesday morning. The police have confiscated 14 machetes, 26 bows, arrows, 3 axes, 4 spears and 44 guns. Victims, many of them women and children, were cut down with knives, short and long; few survived…” Here.

Free speech makes a comeback

“I’m actually not interested in offending the prophet. The point is actually to show that you can,” Vilks said in an interview in Stockholm. “There is nothing so holy you can’t offend it.”–Lars Vilks. “At least three Swedish newspapers reprinted Vilks’ drawing Wednesday, citing its news value and the defense of free speech.”

Is breast milk now an assault weapon?

Another asshole law enforcement officer over-reacts…but this time the milk’s on her. Here.

Titanic VS Lusitania

“…When the Titanic sank, the safety of women and children came first. But when the Lusitania went down three years later, it was a case of survival of the fittest. A painstaking analysis of passenger data from the two vessels revealed that captain’s orders to allow women and children off first were adhered to when the Titanic hit an iceberg on her maiden voyage on April 14, 1912.  But when the Lusitania was torpedoed by a German submarine off the coast of Ireland three years later, it was a case of every man for himself.  More precisely, men and women aged between 16 and 35 were most likely to push their way to safety, the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences reports. The difference in behaviour, the researchers believe, lies not in who was on the ships, but how quickly they went down…” Story here.

The case of the naked snow woman

Will a town’s order to cover a naked snow-woman reduce the size of the masturbatory crowds? Or (and this is a better idea if I do say so myself) why not just wait for summer? One poor  family’s naked snow-woman story.

Political cynicism the way I like it

Now this is political cynicism the way I like it, the way it’s meant to be (feel the love):  “…What happens when we decide that our politics is so corrupt, bought and paid for, that all talk of ever changing it is naïve? ‘Everybody lies,’ says a veteran newspaperman quoted in the Utne Reader, ‘but it doesn’t matter, because nobody listens.’ In an extreme personal example, imagine a man who tells his young son to jump from the stairs into his arms. The father catches the boy twice, but the third time steps back and lets him fall. ‘That’s to teach you never to trust anyone,’ he explains,’ even your own father.’… ” What cynicism costs us.

Love this video (again)

I’ve posted this video before and I’m posting it again. Why? Because it’s that good, that awesome (now don’t panic, but some of these people could be your neighbors.) I watch it every night before bedtime.